Saying Good-bye for good!

Today I am saying good-bye to my past. I has brought me love, hardship, good times and bad. Vacations filled with love and fights filled with rage and hate. A time where we were in love with each other that turned into pushing each other way from one another. A time where we longed to spend time with each other to where we could barely stand each other's company. Were we wanted our dreams, hopes, love and trust to grow but instead it just ended. I am truly blessed to have gotten to know you and shared my love with you.

It hurts me more and I know you want to be friends...But that is just it.. I can't. I can't be your best friend after all we have been through. You expect me to forget about our past and just be your best mate. I can't do that. I loved you... I loved you so much... you hurt me and I hurt you. We pushed away at the end. Lost interest so to say. I will hold a spot for you in my life but nothing more.

I wish you all the best in the years to come. Being a single father for you is going to be great! I wish that I could join you but I know I need to move on. I will not forget you, but letting you go it going to be hard. I'm ok with being alone for a while. I will get to explore things that I have wanted to do and get to know more of myself as I get to. In the end of it all, I hope one day when I am ready we can be friends again.

All the best to you past life....

Derek Chavez

Already...

IT has not even been a week yet. John is off to Atlanta for a Teacher Conf. He leaves tomorrow morning and will not be back til Sunday afternoon. I know that he has not left yet but yet i know that i already will miss him. So far my life in Seattle has been wonderful. I will not be working until January. After our trip to Australia. I have been busy. I have clean the house, taking care of the dogs, making dinner and dessert. i have been running each day. I ran 8 miles a day. I am walking around the the neighborhood to get a feel where everything is. I love after cleaning the house and running is that i get to take a nap and cuddle with the babies to the Golden Girls. They are the best. The best thing i love about being in Seattle is that i get to sleep in the same bed as John. No other feeling is better than that! Over all i am finding my place here in Seattle!

I miss you friends and family in portland!!

Princessa!

So long...farewell...

Today was the official day that i am no longer a Oregonian. I loading my things into the back of my boyfriend's Lexus and started our new life together. After 3 hours of driving in the rain, a stop for some burgers, chicken strips, fries, and a milkshake. (my last burgerville) More rain, a out of order bridge, and being attacked by lovable schnauzers. My move has ended. I am now safely in the arm of the man i love. We both unpacked my things and found places for them to go. We even set up our Wii and played some bowling. John won with 169, i go 118. After wii we made dinner. Meatballs in a mushroom sauce with rice. YUM! While eating dinner we watch the movie Australia. That move was packed with so many twist and turns and great scenes of Australia. It made we want to go there now. I am so excited to go. John looks like Hugh Jackman from that movie. Grrr... It has been a great weekend started. Tomorrow we are going grocery shopping so i can start to plan for this week. Than on Wednesday, John is off to Atlanta Georgia for a Teacher Convention. I will have the dogs, cat and the house. Looks like papi has a busy week ahead!

When i was younger...

My family never had money for us kids to take a lunch to school. We only had lunch when it was a field trip. Most of the time i would eat the free lunches at the school. But now that i am a teacher and work with some really great kids. Recently on our field trip, one of my students came up to me and asked me to read the note above in the picture to them.

Note:
WE LOVE OUR BUG!
LOVE MOMMY,DADDY,AND CLAIRE

Upon reading this, i wish that my mother did things like this. I wished that i got special lunches with secret love notes. I wished that my mother or father would tell me more how much the did love me when i was younger. The child of the note. Her face lit up like a candle. Her smile beamed from ear to ear. She was in love with the fact that her family cares so much about her. After lunch that day, that is all she talked about. How much her family loved her. I am glad that some of the parents in my class show their kids how much they love them! When i have my child. I plan to do things like this!

Love is a battlefield..

What can i say, i am a sucker for love. I love to be in love. I love to be next to the person i love, touching them, kissing, flirting, looking into their eyes. I mean what is not to love about that feeling. Well recently my boyfriend tried to break up with me. That is one of the worst feelings in the world. Be torn from the person you are trying to love and understand. The person you want to grow older with and create more memories. The one who you can turn to and ask for advice. The one you want to wake up next to and cuddle with. At first i was very upset, i didn't sleep well for about the first two days. I kept thinking to myself, what did i do wrong, what can i do to better myself. Well the fact was it was not me, it was my boyfriend. You see we have a 20 years gap between us. Yes i know that you are thinking, "Wow that is a lot!!" Well it's not. I do not see my boyfriend as a 43 year old man. I see him as the caring, loving, hard working, travel setter, schnauzer loving, sexy man that i love. I know that many people judge us base on our age. But let you tell you something. Most guys my age are whores, thinking only about their looks and try to be trendy. While me on the other hand, i know i a handsome but i do not ask everyone i see, "Do i look pretty/hot?" "Buy me a drink!" Plus guys my age are full of themselves and do not know what they want out of life. I have grown up lots from helping raise my family when my mother was working two jobs and going to night school. I know that i want already. I want a family, a career, a marriage. I want family vacations to somewhere i can spend a vast amount of time with my children and yet at the same time get away with my husband. I want to be the parent that would whisk my kids off to sporting practice/activity. In others words be a "soccer mom". I want my kids growing up with me. To know how much i care and love them. To take a bullet for them. To give them things i didn't have and to teach them to work hard.

Well my boyfriend came down this weekend to talk about our relationship. All good things in way we can make our relationship stronger. We talked about our fears, our hopes, our dreams, why do we like things about a the person, and dislikes. What was our stronger points and weak ones. We both spent a wonderful weekend out in the sun, eating, drinking, spending time with one another. I love him and he know i am willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work.


Derek aka princessa

In the Butt gay...

For those of you that know me, I'm a pretty fun guy. but when you mix my sister into that we are crazy. So here we are with out verison of gay or not gay! Enjoy!!!

Tomorrow it begins...ambrosia

my life would suck without him...John.

Well tomorrow i get to see my best friend/boyfriend john. This time we are off on a cruise this time to the Caribbean, and i already feel like i have packed everything. I'm excited to get to spend time with john, but also happy to not work for a week. Also tomorrow is my Valentine's party with my class. So i been a busy bee. Plus it's my favorite president's birthday too. Go Abe Lincoln!!! Happy birthday!!! Well i will be blogging from my trip to keep you updated on all the things that are going on. Plus there will not be a shit load of pictures of just me. We will be bring the smallest of the family.

Please for you to be clap hands and cheering for.... AMBROSIA!!!

This is our mirco Schnauzer! i cant wait to go!

Beans, rice, and latino spice!

Princessa

the hardest part in life.

is saying bye to family.
I always get heartbroken when my family leaves to go back to kansas. i wish that we could see eachother more often, but kansas is a shit load of miles away. Why can't they live somewhere that i want to go. but kansas is a ok place to visit. just flat as hell! i miss my bro.

Dream a dream.....

Last night.I had a dream about you. In this dream, i was dancing right beside you.




You dressed in your black tux, I was in my white tux. The floor was light, the music was playing. You smiled at me. I smiled back at you. You took me out on the floor and offered your hand. I gladly accepted, as you pulled me into you. As we stood there, waiting for the music to start, you stared into my brown eyes and told me how much you cared for me and wanted to be with me. I wrapped my arms tightly a rounded you and kissed you and told you that i love you. Just than the band started up and we softly wowed the crowd and fellow family members and friends. We were in sync with each other. Knowing what move came next, every smile,look, body movement. I wish that was what really happen. But i soon awoke from that dream and reached over. You where not next to me. You are up in Seattle. Dreaming your own dreams. About me? About your life? About all the hope you wish for...? About what you want to happen...? I wish that i didn't have to awake up alone. Or sleep with the replacement teddy bear that is named after you. He does nothing for me. I want to be with you.

Your Handsome Prince......

What is love?

Yesterday at work for an art project with the kids. I asked them if they could draw what their heart looks like and tell me how they feel. Well the one above is how my heart looks and feels. It's filled with loniness, it's sad. it's crying. It's been hurt. All the kids took that with my heart. When asking them what is love, this is what i got back.

Love is when you really like someone, that you really love them.

When your nice to a friend.

(This one is my favorite.) When taking care of someone you love.

Love is funny, happy, cute.

One of the kids told me, My heart is so happy that it's turning black.




Over all they love me and make my day.