Grandpa

Twelve years have passed since the death of my grandfather Leroy F. Ward. His birthday was this past weekend. He would of be 91. He was born in the 1920 in Thermal California. He moved to the Siskiyou country which is in the northern part of California. He was a logger, teacher's aid and a bus driver for the local high school called Happy Camp where my grandmother still lives currently.

He served in World War II from 1942 to 1946. I remember him telling me stories about shoot the japanese and other horror stories about war. He was a charter and life member of the VFW Post in Happy Camp. He enjoyed fishing and hunting. Watching his grandchildren grown.

My best memory I have of my grandfather was when I was a child. Each summer our parents would sent two or three of us kids to spent time with our grandparents. Well my grandfather would take us to the local dump with him to unload the trash or other junk we no longer needed. I remember there was brown bears there. It was the first time I ever saw a bear in my life. My grandfather brought some sandwiches with us. After we unloaded the brown truck, we sat there eating our sandwiches and tossing a few chunks to them. The time I spent with him bonding over nature and bears made me love him even more. Taking the time to talk to me about the things in nature and about the life he was lived and not to talk things lightly. To fight for what I believe in and that I can become whatever I wanted.

I miss him deeply. There are times I want to call him up and ask for advice or for one more bear hugs. One last kung fu kick from him, or a lift up. My grandfather was 6'6'.

I alway think about you Grandpa Leroy.

Easter...

Easter for me wasn't about finding plastic egg filled with candy. It was a religion things for my family. Getting new clothes for church. Whether it be a shirt, sweater, dress, shoes or a new suit. I loved wearing a suit to church. It made me feel special. Other children would hate them but I was a ham in that suit of mine. Girls in my sunday school wanted to talk with me, other parents telling me how adorable I am and my mother proud that I am not going to dirty suit. Last that evening we would have all our family over for dinner. Mom would make a ham or some type of pork. While everyone pitched in with getting everything set up. We ate our dinner together as a family. It was a happy time in my life. My grandparents would give each of us kids 5 or so dollars. Our Aunt would bring some toy or something to give to us.

Other memory I have is when my mother was a RN at a nursing home. They would put on an easter egg hunt for the children or the workers and patients families. I remember that my sister and I got new outfits. I got a new argyle sweater with the colors of baby blue, spring green and easter pink. My sister dressed in a spring mint green dress with a matching hat. It was a sunny easter day and I remember all the staff member setting the patients outside with plastic eggs to hand out the the children. I now find it odd that in order for these patients to have any social interaction with the outside whole they had to give them something to give out. But even as I child i was told not to talk to strangers and yet these people I have never meet or known are giving me free things. Anyways I was scared and when it was time to gather eggs I cried and ran to my mother for comfort. My sister at a fearless age gather eggs from all the patients and happy like a clam. I didn't receive any eggs that year.

So in closing my feelings for easter are mixed. I enjoy due to family gatherings and good memories and yet dislike it do to the fact that candy, eggs and the idea of a bunny hiding egg for children to find... Oh well,

Happy Easter!

Derek

Know when your messy.

Last night. Oh last night my sister came up from Corvallis to hang out with me and some of her friends. She "Pre gamed before she came up. Which means she was drinking before we met up. We meet up at CC Slaughters which is a gay dance club bar. I know everyone that works there so it was good to see people i knew. We had a blast at CC's. Dancing, easy drinking, fun. We than headed off to Silverado to watch the Male Strippers and have more fun. I wasn't drinking as much as I normally would. My sister I cut her off from drinking. She didn't listen. She kept drinking. She got to the point of Messy Drunk. Messy as in wanting to kiss everyone, drink more, falling down, not knowing up from down. I yelled a her telling her to stop. I took about three maybe four drinks from her last night. She was getting very secretive wise on moving around Silver's. It was at the point there she looked at me and told me she need to threw up.

I rushed her into the toilet which she did her thing. Than she fell over twice and the bar tender was asking us to leave. I told him I need water fore her before we left, Thankfully he gave us some. It helped but not as much. Walking her back to her friend who was DD. He was angry that she was so drunk. And I was angry that she got this way after how much I told her not to drink and tried to not let her get that way. But while walking back she threw up 5 more times. Didn't drink the water I tried to let her get down. She would put the water in her mouth than spit it out. It was like she was my baby and I was playing mama! More than I do with m friends already.

This morning she asked me what happened. I told her everything. She was embarrassed and told me she will not get like that in the near future. She was thankful that I was there to help her. When I use to get that way, I knew when my limit was. I'm glad she made it home and is up! What a weekend!

Time

As time passes us every day, we get older and wiser. We sometimes lose color in our skin or hair, our strength, get wrinkles and our ability to do many of everyday task. Sometimes we lose love ones along the way. April is not a good time for my family. I have lost two of the greatest people in my life that meant so much to me. Tomorrow(April 4th) is my Aunt Rachel's Birthday. She is very missed. As the days pass on this day, I wish that I would of stopped time or visit the time before she passed. To spend countless holidays and birthdays. To hug her, feel her warmth, to be devoured by her positive energy and wisdom, but most of all, to see her beautiful smile and personality. She has been the aunt that I have loved like a second mother. The aunt I would also beg my mother to allow me to visit over the summer. The one i could talk to about anything. The aunt who would make time for my life. The one that was involved with enjoying life. That aunt that i truly truly truly miss. So Aunt Rachel, I wish you a Happy Birthday and you are missed and I love you always!

Your nephew,

Leroy (derek) Chavez

Have you?

Have you ever felt like you wanted to travel back in time?

I have. I have been reading John's family cookbook which is written by this mother and father. The book is called Recipes and Reminiscence. Many of the recipes are tasty and easy to make. But what i love the most is the reminiscence part. Many stories about special birthday dinners, Mother day, family gatherings, and other events.

In the time many of these recipes were made, the casserole era was huge and the microwave was out. Many people with large families would bake a casserole to feed their family. The part of this I am trying to get out is that I wish my childhood had family recipes and memories connections to some dished that my mother would make for me. I enjoy reading the parts about many family gathering in which someone would bless the calories out of some dessert so that everyone won't feel bad about eating it. Or how John's parents went on a picnic date. Cooked apricot-glazed cornish hens with a greek salad, some good wine and a dessert while out at San Diego State University enjoying a concert.

So many good recipes and good memories. I told John that I would of loved to travel back in time to watch some of these recipes and memories in play. See the faces of the people that enjoyed these tasty meals and what made that memory so special at the time. To even be invited to taste those foods and become part of the memory. What i would give to have some memories like that!

Memories....

This is Guadalajara,Mexico. A place where during my childhood summers i grew up. I learned about my grandparents (Domingo(g pa left) and Felix(g ma right) Most of my summers would be spent 2 months or more going down to live with them and help them on the farm up in the hill of Mexico. I would travel about 7 to 10 miles on a horse or donkey with my grandfather and he would tell me stories in spanish about my father coming to America, when my dad was a kid, and teach me how to understand spanish. At the same time i was trying to teach my grandpa English. He also told me stories about the landscape. Many of which had to do with religious sightings, many included the devil.

But i did learn Spanish and came back to America skinny, tan, a bit of muscles in my arms, and more than excited to see my family.(i was a mama's boy) Over the years of traveling down to Mexico, I grew more and more to understand my grandfather and his fun ways. Why working so hard and having so many children as well. My grandfather was the one who taught me how to drink, dance cumbia and sing. I value my grandfather for opening his heart to me as a child. Out of all his grandchildren, three of my other cousins, my sister and brothers and I were the only ones that went down. They would also travel to the states and make the "Family tour."

The best memory i have is when i was ten at the time. My first time in Mexico with my Uncle Coo-Coo and sister. My sister having traveled the year before with our father. She knew more than me about the town and what not. I remember coming in a taxi to the beginning of a street and having to walk my suitcase and my sisters about 100 steps on a road made of brick. A long wall was to my right and a barn was on my left. I came up to a house made of brick with an cast iron door. Chicken, goats, and roosters running around everywhere. My uncle knocked on the door, and grandpa Domingo opened the door and jumped out to hug each of us. After that i took to my grandfather as my new friend. Now he has passed away as well from Colon Cancer. I will miss him a lot.

My sister use to sing Selena songs. This was the one my sister would sing and my grandpa and I would sing the back up male parts. Now this song brings tears to my eyes and yet brings back all the Memories.

Princessa

Finder's Keepers

As a boy growing up, I never had an Action figure that worked. I either had to work to get my own or when my brothers didn't want their, I gladly accepted them. I just wish that they were GI Joe's. GI's are the best. Well i do love a man in uniform for one. You can put them in any form/they bend easily. They have accessories, changing outfits, other buddies and cars. What more could a gay boy as for.

Well as John and I were cleaning out the garage. We came across Gene's childhood G.I. Joe. This one is one of the first G.I's to come out in 1965. I am now too old to have this, but i thought my nephew would like this. His parents are in the Army and christmas is coming up. I don't think he has any action figures. So i know he will enjoy this and also help him understand his parents job! Great Find Today!

Tradition...

Usually everyone has a Thanksgiving tradition. Whether it is to cooking your turkey as your mother did, gravy from the drippings of the turkey, pumpkin pie made from scratch, going over to some friend's house for dinner, watching football or the Macy's Parade. But the most famous ones are waking up after the day of giving thanks to beat everyone for the "deals." This is one of my stories when i was younger that i decide to go with my mother for the black friday sales.

I was ten, so the year was 1995/96. Wal-Mart just opened in my hometown of North Bend Oregon. Thanksgiving at my house came to a close and all my family members all but my mother, grandma, aunt, father and me were up. Everyone else in a deep slumber from the turkey spells and fullness of sweets or beer. They were up talking about "black friday." I have never heard of such a day, was this a bad day? Were we not able to go outside? My mother talked with my grandma on the game plan for tomorrow. They would stay up all night and leave the house by 3:30 am to wait in line with the other town folks.

My mother's plan was to drink until it was time to go. I asked my mother if i could stay up and go with grandma and her to this ritual in my family. She gladly told me yes as she took a drink of her Tequila and Squirt. As the hours passed my grandma went to sleep for a while as my mother and I watched TV, ate more turkey, played some game, and cleaned house. I remember passing out for a while, only to be shaken up by grandma to get ready for the trip.

As I dressed warmly as my mother told me it was going to be cold at 4am and to bring some food as no places would be open at this time. We soon arrive to Wal-Mart, the mecca of Bargain Shopping. About 75 people were crowded around the front door waiting to get in. Some people camped out over night. Some brought chairs and blanket from home. Food, drinks, people peeing on the side of the store or by their cars. I remember mostly is my mother brought her flask filled with her drink of choice. "This will get me through this", I remember her saying to me. Soon from 75 people to about four or five hundred people were all behind us. I still can feel people pushing us or trying to cut in front of us. I asked my mother what time it was. She looked at her watch and told me it was five minutes til five am. We saw the employee walking up to the front doors getting ready to unlock them.

The sound of the doors opening and a gush of wind hit us. Everyone pushing, pulling, yelling, trying to pass one another was getting nowhere. Luckily for me my mother was a big lady. All she had to do was push and she could knock over a few people. My mother took my hand and told me know to not let go, "this is where people will go crazy!" We hit the floor of Wal-Mart running. Grandma got a cart, while mom and i booked it for the toy section. Other people had their kids on their shoulders reaching for toys on the higher shelves. My mother reached for one of the last toys, but soon bumped hands with another lady who wants the same toy. The both struggled to get the toy out of each others hands.

Until my mother threaten the other lady. "I will beat the shit out of you if you do not give me this toy", my mother told this lady. She released it and backed away. My mother took another chug from her flask and off we went. The lines were the worst. Everyone wanted to get out and no one wanted to wait in line. I remember pulling pop tarts, fruits, and some juice out of my pockets and eating them over all the things we got that morning. I was so tired from the rush of the ahopping spree. I did not want to go to another black friday ever. I disliked this day. I thought people who did this were crazy. Plus being a ten year boy and going with your mother three sheets to the wind was fun but not for me. I will say this, that year i got all the things i wanted!

Happy Holiday!

When i was younger...

My family never had money for us kids to take a lunch to school. We only had lunch when it was a field trip. Most of the time i would eat the free lunches at the school. But now that i am a teacher and work with some really great kids. Recently on our field trip, one of my students came up to me and asked me to read the note above in the picture to them.

Note:
WE LOVE OUR BUG!
LOVE MOMMY,DADDY,AND CLAIRE

Upon reading this, i wish that my mother did things like this. I wished that i got special lunches with secret love notes. I wished that my mother or father would tell me more how much the did love me when i was younger. The child of the note. Her face lit up like a candle. Her smile beamed from ear to ear. She was in love with the fact that her family cares so much about her. After lunch that day, that is all she talked about. How much her family loved her. I am glad that some of the parents in my class show their kids how much they love them! When i have my child. I plan to do things like this!

Now is the time...

"Let him go in peace"

Tomorrow i leave for good ole North Bend/Coos Bay. Population of 9,544. North Bend is home to the Southwest Oregon Regional Airport, an indoor mall, and a casino. I begin my trip from portland to Eugene. Which is about a 2 and half hour trip on train. Than My brother is going to pick me up and take me the rest of the two hours home. Once i hit North Bend, i start to get sick. I always wonder why people are still there. What is keeping them there. The reason i am going is to talk with my father about me being gay is if he wants to be apart of my life. He has never approved of my life ever since i was young. This will be the turning point into my life. I just wish that my partner john was here with me. He will be in spirit!

while i am home i will be blogging and taking some video of home and show you where i grew up at and what fun and Exciting things there are in my hometown.

So sit back and relax, This is going to be a bumpy ride!

Princessa Derek

Family

All but one person in my family has tattoo's. Most of us have more than one. I have five now. My mother has 7, my third oldest brother has 3, the first oldest has 4, and my sister has one. My family is a tattoo family. My grandparent's have them. My aunt's and uncle's have them' Growing up with tattoo's in my family not only made me curious about them, i wanted to know what each one meant and why they got it. I remember once asking my mother about her tattoo on the knuckles. She has Bubb on her Right hand and les on the other. Her nickname is bubbles from high school, her cousins gave her this first tattoo when she was 18. She got it cause at the time it was very popular to get a tattoo to show how tough you were. Plus she wanted something to show off. I guess the hand is the last place i would get tattooed! Well i got my fifth tattoo today. I got something that has a huge influence in my life. A few years ago i have lost two great people in my life that were very close to me. My grandfather Leroy F. Ward and my Aunt Rachel Ward. I loved these two with all my heart. My grandfather due to i am named after him and i get alot of my traits from him. Plus i loved listening to him talk about when he was younger and what he did in the war, and how my mother would get into mishaps. I loved when he would tell me the stories about his tattoos. The one with my grandma's name. The were in love and my g-pa wanted to show how much he loved her. He was in the army at the time and he went to the tattoo shop and got her name on his arm. When he got out he rushed over to her house to show her how much he cared. At first my grandma was displeased that my g-pa did this to his body, Until he explained why he did it, than it all came to her. I miss him very much and think about him lots. I love him mucho.

My aunt Rachel is one of my role models in my family. She is a strong woman i looked up too. She was a babe, a mink, a teacher of life to me, and took me to places i normally would not go to. She taught me about life and how to life it. She was an amazing woman. She was the only aunt that wanted to be apart of my life. She lived in Northern California and would make the trip up to see us for holiday's, family gatherings, and other important things. She had tattoo's of her kid's name on her chest, close to her heart. She loved her family every much. I remember before she passed away, She cant to my graduation. That meant so much to me. Even though she was sick, she lived her life to the fullest! Nothing was to hold her back. When i was younger i asked her about her tattoo. She told me that you only live once and to live you life the way you want to. She also told me, that family is forever. No matter how much you don't like your family, they will be there for you no matter what. Stay close to your family and it will do wonders to you. I have learned that this is true. I truly miss her as well. I sometimes wonder what if she was still here.


I chose the feather's cause we are Native Americans and the eagle feather is the highest rank in our culture. But instead of eagle i chose more Angelic feathers. They are both in better places and these are the feathers that helped them through their lives and soar up. This is my new family tattoo. Family is first. Even if there are some that don't want to be apart of my life. Well there you go. My new tattoo. And it didn't hurt much!

Princessa Derek

In the Butt gay...

For those of you that know me, I'm a pretty fun guy. but when you mix my sister into that we are crazy. So here we are with out verison of gay or not gay! Enjoy!!!

this is what it feels like

When straight and gay worlds collide.

My lil sister came up before her plan ride to Idaho. We went out with my two best gay pals, Robert and Tony. First we started at decarli. Which is the bar robert works at. Great food and great drinks. Robert is a kick ass bar tender. Well after robert got off, we headed over to Silveroado's to watch some male dancers. Remind you that my sis has never been to a gay bar. So when walking in to see Naked MEN slapping their ding dongs around on stage, made her blush and giggle with shyness. After two beers the loud family traits came out again. The flaring of the nose, smiling. All the drunk face and the motion of arms trying to talk. She was having a gay ole time. After the second beer her brain started to work. Asking questions like' "i wonder what the strippers are thinking when they strip?" well Low and behold she asked one and he told us his mind goes blame. LOL Well 3 dollars later the male strippers love her and asked her things about herself. Well we poured ourselves in this morning at 3am and than woke up at 5am to take her to the airport while i went to work. Sister's are great to have when you can get drink with them!

Daddy

Being a teacher to children so young really makes me want to become a father. I want a child that i can love. Make them feel so special. Share things about my life and hope to inspire them to make the most out of life. To get them interested in thing that could change their life. To cuddle them with love. Dress my child appropriate to the weather and teach them what to wear and not to. To let them know that they are loved and no matter what happens their father's are there for them. My clock is ticking.I want to have that feeling that new mother's have. Holding their baby, rocking them to sleep, playing games, feeding with a bottle' and going through the first words and steps with my baby. I really really want to be a great daddy one day. But until than. I will just keep my children at school closer to my heart!
Derek

the hardest part in life.

is saying bye to family.
I always get heartbroken when my family leaves to go back to kansas. i wish that we could see eachother more often, but kansas is a shit load of miles away. Why can't they live somewhere that i want to go. but kansas is a ok place to visit. just flat as hell! i miss my bro.

happy birthday

My mother is in the red



To the woman that brought me into this world. The one that raised me in my queer life. the one that has supported my all my life. Today is your birthday mother. I love you and wish you all the best on your 50th day. You do not act your age, you are young and beautiful. Happy birthday my mother! I love you!!