Saying Good-bye for good!

Today I am saying good-bye to my past. I has brought me love, hardship, good times and bad. Vacations filled with love and fights filled with rage and hate. A time where we were in love with each other that turned into pushing each other way from one another. A time where we longed to spend time with each other to where we could barely stand each other's company. Were we wanted our dreams, hopes, love and trust to grow but instead it just ended. I am truly blessed to have gotten to know you and shared my love with you.

It hurts me more and I know you want to be friends...But that is just it.. I can't. I can't be your best friend after all we have been through. You expect me to forget about our past and just be your best mate. I can't do that. I loved you... I loved you so much... you hurt me and I hurt you. We pushed away at the end. Lost interest so to say. I will hold a spot for you in my life but nothing more.

I wish you all the best in the years to come. Being a single father for you is going to be great! I wish that I could join you but I know I need to move on. I will not forget you, but letting you go it going to be hard. I'm ok with being alone for a while. I will get to explore things that I have wanted to do and get to know more of myself as I get to. In the end of it all, I hope one day when I am ready we can be friends again.

All the best to you past life....

Derek Chavez

"Don't cry out"

Over my life time I have had great relationship and horrible ones as well. Many times over the relationships we all change and sacrifices things to make the other one happy. But in turn it makes us bitter or resentful of our partner. Trying to make them desire us more but in turn pulls you away from each other. Soon the flames of passion burn out. But one thing that I have learned from my relationships is that I should always be happy with myself.

As you can see in the picture above by Mary Karaplis. All you "need is a positive attitude...and a knife!" This whole week I have been thinking positive. It has changed my outlook on my life. If I give out positive energy it will be return more and awesome. I've been running, eating well and keeping good energy with friends! I love it! I am making myself happy. I don't need a man but it does help! Plus listening to music by Metric, Little boots, Ladyhawke, Shiny Toy Guns and more. Watch out world... Mama's coming out!

I love Race Bannon..

Since I was a boy, I loved Race! Very handsome "silverdaddy" that was the travel companion of one Dr. Benton Quest. I always wanted to be Johnny and go on adventures with my best friend. Here is a video of where Race tries to get custody of the boys from Dr. Quest. I love it!

The mean reds....

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I am Holly Golightly. In the famous movie Breakfast at Tiffany's Audrey Hepburns character discirbes them as a horrible thing there like the blues only the blues is for when your sad the mean reds are for when you scared and you dont know what your scared of... I am currently feeling like this. It's hard. I feel like this character was written about me even through I wasn't born yet. I relate to her so much. Her real name in the movie not Holly... Like mine is not Derek. She's the life of the party surrounded by friends and acquaintances. She is a hard worker and came from a not so good family. "It's the mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing. You were always lugging home wild things. Once it was a hawk with a broken wing... and another time it was a full-grown wildcat with a broken leg. Remember? You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky. "

*Sigh*.....

Leroy Derek Michael Chavez