it's been a while

I'm gonna start blogging again. So much has been going on. I'm dating-ish.... a really nice guy. Smart, sexy, caring...awesome! I'm going start my med's for HIV tomorrow. I'm excited and scared! That's all that's going all for now!

Derek

HIV and YOU!

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a lentivirus (a member of the retrovirus family) that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS),^[a condition in humans in which progressive failure of the immune system allows life-threatening opportunistic infections and cancers to thrive. Infection with HIV occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, vaginal fluid, pre-ejaculate, or breast milk. Within these bodily fluids, HIV is present as both free virus particles and virus within infected immune cells. The four major routes of transmission are unsafe sex, contaminated needles, breast milk, and transmission from an infected mother to her baby at birth.

For me...I had unsafe sex. So a partner didn't know about this status. Always protect yourself and know your status!

During when I was having sex I let my partner ejaculate into my well "Rosebud" and i contracted the HIV virus. What this means that I can transfer this virus by "barebacking my partner. HIV is a serious virus that there is no cure. But what can happen is there are pills that help lower t-cell and the viral load.

HIV infects vital cells in the human immune system such as helper T cells (specifically CD4⁺ T cells), macrophages, and dendritic cells. HIV infection leads to low levels of CD4⁺ T cells through three main mechanisms: First, direct viral killing of infected cells; second, increased rates of apoptosis in infected cells; and third, killing of infected CD4⁺ T cells by CD8 cytotoxic lymphocytes that recognize infected cells. When CD4⁺ T cell numbers decline below a critical level, cell-mediated immunity is lost, and the body becomes progressively more susceptible to opportunistic infections.

Life goes on...

I've come along way from my previous life. I have moved on and still am living my life the way I should be. Free and full of life!

Below are of some of the last ballroom comp i did with students! Enjoy!

Living in the Moment..

This picture explains my life right now. It's hectic, full of emotions and change. My life has changed over a day. I got some news about my health. I am now HIV Positive. That's a huge thing for me to say-type out. It's a major... Something that I could pass on to someone and yet it's manageable. The shock of hearing I was positive was upsetting. I broke down and cried. I have felt like I wanted to give up. Feeling like dying was the best solution. I have talked with many friends that are HIV poz and it hasn't stopped them from living a normal life. My life expectancy will go down by a year or two. But i know I am going to live forever. So now I am at the stage of my life where I don't know where to go. I am scared and unsure of what's going to happen next. Please keep me in your thoughts and hearts!

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Derek

I'm alive

Just so you know. I'm in a rough patch in my life but getting things where they need to be!

I'm

Going camping for the weekend.

Later!

Bar dates...

"
There has been something that has been on my mind...Bar Dates...

"Bar Dates are for ASSHOLES!!" Yes I said it. When people go on a date to a bar they have one of two things.... low-self-esstem or can't find a real restaurant! I find that FUCKING dumb! Who the Fuck really goes on a date to a bar... The first date NO! The third maybe.... But not the first. But to take someone on a date to a bar is tacky! VERY VERY VERY TACKY!

"What are you doing tonight? What go on a date?

Sure. Where?

Let's go to the bar for our date!"

Why would anyone go to a bar on the first date besides that they might be an alcoholic or that their date might get boring so they can pick up another person there. It ridiculous and childish! I don't fucking care what you say.. It is what it is!

Working hard for.....

Nothing.... It seems that way in life for many people. Why do we work so hard for really nothing. The saying goes "Hard work never killed anybody." Well it has me. Why am I working so hard. I can barely keep myself afloat. I put in so much time with work and get paid for very little. My boss pushes me to work harder and yet it seems like my paychecks are the same. I hate not getting more money when I work so fucking hard for it. Why can't some one rich just give me some money for I can be set for a while. I really want to switch jobs. Don't get me wrong, I love my job but it takes so much out of me. Physically and emotionally. Physically I'm on my feet and using my body to teach my students to express themselves. Teaching late night or sometimes early in the mornings.

Emotionally.... It takes so much. Pouring my heart and soul teaching for so much. Teaching the characters of the dance. Being passionate, driving myself to teach more, transferring my emotions and energy to my students. It harder than your think. If some of my students can't feel that it's harder for me. I love dance, I am passionate about it. When I dance I am a different person. I am filled with my emotions but at the end of the dance a part of me is gone... Maybe it's time for a change....

Do you agree?

Sexual Freedom

Since my last relationship... I have taken this time to express myself sexually in ways that I haven't be able to before. I have experienced a new thing that I might become more into.

"****BDSM**** is a continuum of erotic practice and expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym, BDSM, is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D),dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures."

Thank you wikipedia for that.... Well I have started to "see" a gentleman that is into leather. Now never being exposed to leather play before I was very curious, like how curious George is always getting into trouble. It started with this website called daddyhunt. This is a website where younger guys for for older men. I was searching around when i got a message from this gentleman asking me what i was into. I told him I'm 25 latino into safe this but open to trying something new. He than asked if i was into leather... I told him that i have never tried it but was willing to do so. He invited me to his house and off i went. When i arrived there he was... this hot silver-daddy of a Race Bannon/ Anderson Cooper look alike. I was drawn to him instantly. He hugged and he invited me into his house. we had a bit of chit chat and off we went to his play room. In his playroom was leather bonding straps, leather outfits, the works. I was so interested in how out night was going to play out. He told me to strip down and sit outside the door and to wait in my undies. I obeyed as I was told. what seemed to be about 15 minutes, out comes my leather daddy. dressed from head to toe in his leather gear. I have never seen anything like this. I was so turned on by this. "Are you ready boy? You ready to please your sir?" I just shook my head up and down with my eyes opened wide. He took my by the hand and lead me into the playroom. There was a black leather chair... he told me to get on my knee infront of him while he sat in his leather chair. I sat there eagerly awaiting his orders. He reached into a draw and pulled out a cigar. He told me that dad like to enjoy a cigar while his boy worship his dad in leather.

He lit up his cigar and told me to start to worship his leather gear. The smell of his leather combined with the cigar smoke was empowering to me. I felt like a man. I felt that I was safe. Like nothing could do any harm to me. It was a rush. The feel of the smooth leather against my smooth silky skin drove me nuts. I looked up as my sir took a puff from his cigar and blow it into my face. The smoke in my face sent chills all over my body. I knew at that moment there I was free to enjoy new things. I craved for my sir to be please. I begged him in what I could do for him. He stood up and snapped off this leather jock piece exposing himself infront of me. Him in all this glory. He told me "Open your mouth boy." I did so. He placed his cigar in my mouth and told me to hold it there. He undressed down to his boots......

censorship

I have censored myself for too long. My blog is going to be getting real. I'm gonna start to blog bout my sexual adventures, things that are going on in my life and "other" things. If you don't like it.. don't read my blog.... just so you know.. HEADS UP!!

Saying Good-bye for good!

Today I am saying good-bye to my past. I has brought me love, hardship, good times and bad. Vacations filled with love and fights filled with rage and hate. A time where we were in love with each other that turned into pushing each other way from one another. A time where we longed to spend time with each other to where we could barely stand each other's company. Were we wanted our dreams, hopes, love and trust to grow but instead it just ended. I am truly blessed to have gotten to know you and shared my love with you.

It hurts me more and I know you want to be friends...But that is just it.. I can't. I can't be your best friend after all we have been through. You expect me to forget about our past and just be your best mate. I can't do that. I loved you... I loved you so much... you hurt me and I hurt you. We pushed away at the end. Lost interest so to say. I will hold a spot for you in my life but nothing more.

I wish you all the best in the years to come. Being a single father for you is going to be great! I wish that I could join you but I know I need to move on. I will not forget you, but letting you go it going to be hard. I'm ok with being alone for a while. I will get to explore things that I have wanted to do and get to know more of myself as I get to. In the end of it all, I hope one day when I am ready we can be friends again.

All the best to you past life....

Derek Chavez

"Don't cry out"

Over my life time I have had great relationship and horrible ones as well. Many times over the relationships we all change and sacrifices things to make the other one happy. But in turn it makes us bitter or resentful of our partner. Trying to make them desire us more but in turn pulls you away from each other. Soon the flames of passion burn out. But one thing that I have learned from my relationships is that I should always be happy with myself.

As you can see in the picture above by Mary Karaplis. All you "need is a positive attitude...and a knife!" This whole week I have been thinking positive. It has changed my outlook on my life. If I give out positive energy it will be return more and awesome. I've been running, eating well and keeping good energy with friends! I love it! I am making myself happy. I don't need a man but it does help! Plus listening to music by Metric, Little boots, Ladyhawke, Shiny Toy Guns and more. Watch out world... Mama's coming out!

I love Race Bannon..

Since I was a boy, I loved Race! Very handsome "silverdaddy" that was the travel companion of one Dr. Benton Quest. I always wanted to be Johnny and go on adventures with my best friend. Here is a video of where Race tries to get custody of the boys from Dr. Quest. I love it!

The mean reds....

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I am Holly Golightly. In the famous movie Breakfast at Tiffany's Audrey Hepburns character discirbes them as a horrible thing there like the blues only the blues is for when your sad the mean reds are for when you scared and you dont know what your scared of... I am currently feeling like this. It's hard. I feel like this character was written about me even through I wasn't born yet. I relate to her so much. Her real name in the movie not Holly... Like mine is not Derek. She's the life of the party surrounded by friends and acquaintances. She is a hard worker and came from a not so good family. "It's the mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing. You were always lugging home wild things. Once it was a hawk with a broken wing... and another time it was a full-grown wildcat with a broken leg. Remember? You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky. "

*Sigh*.....

Leroy Derek Michael Chavez

Life on hold

I'm going to go on a mini vacation on my life. Things are changing. I'll be back in a week or so. Keep good thoughts and hopes!

Derek

Book Of Mormon...

Well the Musical.....

I really want to go to New York and see The Book of Mormon Musical.

It's everything about the Mormon way but in a funny way. Like how they go door to door to recruit people for the church and share the scriptures with the people of Uganda. It also deals with a warload, famine, poverty and AIDS. Below is a Song that I am really into. There is Explicit lyrics.... Enjoy with caution

I am a highway.....

It's been a while since I have blogged... I mean really sat down and typed something meaningful out. My life has been busy with events, matters and time itself to allow me to take time. First comes down to work.

Job

I love my job. I am passionate about it and love that I have changed the lives of people. It has kept in me in shape and toned my legs. But yet it's not paying me enough to live life. I have a Champagne taste on a beer budget. I have been looking for a second job. It seems that there are so many other people out there trying to get that same job I am applying for. It hard i think to have a second job and trying to find a job during the day that will give me an hour or so to head home and refresh before the second job.

Family.

My family is doing well. My sister will graduate for Oregon State this upcoming weekend. I am so proud of here. She is the second in the family to graduate. She has worked so hard and spent much time and gave up social events and family time towards her degree. It's a huge payoff for her. She makes me proud and she is going to be awesome in the health field. GO RAC!!!

Myself-

I myself am doing well. I haven't been running in a week which is hard for me. I need to stay active so I do not get larger than I need to be. I will today start running again. 5-6 miles are on today. I am also going to start reading about. I can't care what's it about as long as I am not being a slong (a lazy way of being lazy in my own words) I need to challenge my mind.

Future

My future is well uncertain at the time being. I don't know what the future holds for me. All I can hope for is that it will turn out great!

D.C

Princessa

Life lessons

I loved the Dr. Seuss book about the Sneetches! Only cuz it taught me not to judge or trust "Fix-it up chappies"

Themed songs...

Grandpa

Twelve years have passed since the death of my grandfather Leroy F. Ward. His birthday was this past weekend. He would of be 91. He was born in the 1920 in Thermal California. He moved to the Siskiyou country which is in the northern part of California. He was a logger, teacher's aid and a bus driver for the local high school called Happy Camp where my grandmother still lives currently.

He served in World War II from 1942 to 1946. I remember him telling me stories about shoot the japanese and other horror stories about war. He was a charter and life member of the VFW Post in Happy Camp. He enjoyed fishing and hunting. Watching his grandchildren grown.

My best memory I have of my grandfather was when I was a child. Each summer our parents would sent two or three of us kids to spent time with our grandparents. Well my grandfather would take us to the local dump with him to unload the trash or other junk we no longer needed. I remember there was brown bears there. It was the first time I ever saw a bear in my life. My grandfather brought some sandwiches with us. After we unloaded the brown truck, we sat there eating our sandwiches and tossing a few chunks to them. The time I spent with him bonding over nature and bears made me love him even more. Taking the time to talk to me about the things in nature and about the life he was lived and not to talk things lightly. To fight for what I believe in and that I can become whatever I wanted.

I miss him deeply. There are times I want to call him up and ask for advice or for one more bear hugs. One last kung fu kick from him, or a lift up. My grandfather was 6'6'.

I alway think about you Grandpa Leroy.

Easter...

Easter for me wasn't about finding plastic egg filled with candy. It was a religion things for my family. Getting new clothes for church. Whether it be a shirt, sweater, dress, shoes or a new suit. I loved wearing a suit to church. It made me feel special. Other children would hate them but I was a ham in that suit of mine. Girls in my sunday school wanted to talk with me, other parents telling me how adorable I am and my mother proud that I am not going to dirty suit. Last that evening we would have all our family over for dinner. Mom would make a ham or some type of pork. While everyone pitched in with getting everything set up. We ate our dinner together as a family. It was a happy time in my life. My grandparents would give each of us kids 5 or so dollars. Our Aunt would bring some toy or something to give to us.

Other memory I have is when my mother was a RN at a nursing home. They would put on an easter egg hunt for the children or the workers and patients families. I remember that my sister and I got new outfits. I got a new argyle sweater with the colors of baby blue, spring green and easter pink. My sister dressed in a spring mint green dress with a matching hat. It was a sunny easter day and I remember all the staff member setting the patients outside with plastic eggs to hand out the the children. I now find it odd that in order for these patients to have any social interaction with the outside whole they had to give them something to give out. But even as I child i was told not to talk to strangers and yet these people I have never meet or known are giving me free things. Anyways I was scared and when it was time to gather eggs I cried and ran to my mother for comfort. My sister at a fearless age gather eggs from all the patients and happy like a clam. I didn't receive any eggs that year.

So in closing my feelings for easter are mixed. I enjoy due to family gatherings and good memories and yet dislike it do to the fact that candy, eggs and the idea of a bunny hiding egg for children to find... Oh well,

Happy Easter!

Derek

World Premiere

Of the Glee Flash Mob I was in

Movement....

I live for dance movement. Yesterday was my one year anniversary for doing a flash mob for my first time. I was on the A-team. The main dancers. In these pictures is the other dancers I was dancing with. So many great dancers and energies everyone bought with them. I can't believe how many people were here for this one. So many glee lovers! I was again on A-team. Turning and leaping into the air, twisting my body into different shapes and dance lines. Becoming very staccato. Hitting high and getting low. Using quick and slow movements. It was an experience. A video will be out of this mob that I was just in. Movement is all around us. You just need to know how to control it!

A tale of But and Butt.....

As I was growing up I had two different cultures to learn about. Well really three. My Latin roots, American, and Native American was well. But the main one was Latin. From summer visits to mexico. To grandparents and relatives visiting in the states, I was surrounded by my culture. When I was spoken to I was lost in translation unless it was easy words like comer, bano, or haces colour. Other than that, I was lost and knew nothing of what they were trying to tell me. For all I knew the house could of been on fire and I would not know. Well my father did not know english too well and relied on us kids to help him pick it up. His common words that he used were "no, yes, estop, bathroom, beer, and food." I was 10 and I knew more words in english than him.

He was studying the citizenship test to become a full American citizen. I remember that my mother told my sister and I to tell the difference between words to our father. Words like they, their, are, ours, but, and butt. I started with the words but and butt. My sister and I started to giggle about the word butt. I played a mean trick on my father. I told him the word butt was "except for the fact" instead of it being his rear-end. The sentence I used, "He would of went to the store, butt he left his money at home." I giggled so hard to hear my father repeat the words that just came out of my mouth. Butt, Butt, Butt. I laughed and laughed. My father started to laugh as well. Than our mother walked in to hear the sentence. Again our father repeated the words. We both looked at our mother, she shook her head knowing what we have told our father the word meaning of the word.... We both got sent to our room and spanked later that evening by our father. The sentence I remember his telling me was "I'm going to beat your butt!!"

"I'm getting older too..."

I'm no longer a twink.. I'm a twunk... I'm 25... A man, not a boy.... Responsible adult. Where has my youth gone? What can I look forward too today? I'm a firework... Time to set the sky on fire! Wish me the best!

Simple Joys....

When you mix... sugar, flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, walnuts, milk, butter, and BANANA'S. You get this tasty treat!!!

Happy PI DAY

Eat Up Peeps

Dream/Goals

Many of us have dreams or goals that we want to get out of our lives. Some are unreachable and others are attainable. For me many of mine are attainable and others not so much.

My first dream/goal is to have a family. I know i know... I'm so young to start a family. Well my mother was about 19 when she started to have children. From what she has told me, it was great to start young. You get to grow with your children and you get you learn from them as well

Prince... where is my Prince

As a young boy, I had a huge crush on Prince Charles. I would long to watch the television just to hear or even see him on it. He is a very handsome older gentleman, a prince, wealthily and smart. He just seems to be a bit of a dork. I would tell my mother how I would love to get invited to Buckingham Palace for a ball, social event or afternoon tea. Of course it was lost in the mail is what I kept telling myself. I kept dreaming that once I would arrive to the palace, I would be greeted by the Queen. Most welcoming like I was a long lost friend or better yet family.

Once inside the palace I would be shown to my quarter and told what was on the agenda for the evening. A polo match, afternoon tea, a welcoming ball in my honor. After changing into something more comfortable for the polo match. I travel with the queen, her sister and other members of the royal court. And than I see him.... Prince Charles on his white horse. Charming, polite, and

With his riding boot, polo uniform and his hair blowing in the wind. He waves to us up in the stand. Just watching him play and sweat, my heart started to race . At afternoon tea I was seated next to him. We talked, we laughed, shared smiles and touches. Oh such a life I would want.... Damn princes!

How to greet the Queen of England.

1 Address all correspondence to "The Private Secretary of Her Majesty the Queen," not the queen herself. Request that the correspondence be communicated to her royal person.

2

Contact the queen at the following address: Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, Buckingham Palace, London SW1A 1AA, England.

3

Greet the queen as "your majesty" initially. Use ma'am thereafter.

4

Accept the queen's offer of a handshake, and, of course, a bit of conversation if she's willing.

5

Don't show the queen your back, if you're following tradition, and leave the room only after the queen does. But keep in mind that times have changed and formalities have eased.

Los Tortugas

We are now headed to Roatan, Honduras!!

This Princessa went to....

I could not sleep for the life of me last night. I tossed and turned, kicking and flipping over. It must have been the time differences. I'll blame that! I start the cruise today! See ya soon!

XOXOXOX

Princessa

Valentine's Day

My valentines day was like Ralph Wiggums

Fighting for it.....

"Is it wrong to want someone to fight for you?"

Let's say that someone that you are currently dating you love and adore them. But what if.... someone from your past decides to enter back into your life and finds out where you live and wants to pick up where you left off. But you're taken. You're in the right place of your life. But what if the past love confronted you in front of your current love? What would you do. What would they do?

I find it utterly romantic to have my currently love and past love fight over me. I know if this happened I would end up with my current love anyways. But tohave someone fight for my love and attention is romantic.

Kind of like the movie Bridget Jones Diary. Where Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver fight in a restaurant and into the street over Bridget. Both have been interested in her. One more sexual and the other romantically and invested into her for being herself. I would love for a man like Mark Darcy (which is my current boyfriend) to for me if a past boyfriend came up.

I guess it's all in my head and just a fantasy to have. We all want to be wanted and desire. To have someone fight for us. For our honor, our love, to keep us as their prize, to be treasured for a lifetime. To look back on it and keep playing it over and over in one's head and smiling the whole time. The feeling of being wanted. Does that sound like I'm selfish?

A peek into my mind

When did I grow up?

I think when I was 12. That was the first time I had to make a decision.

Nowdays I am faced with having a job, bills, dog care, drinking, cooking dinner, taking care of myself and making sure I'm well. What happened to the time when I would get sick and be able to stay home with my mother, watch her stories and some cartoons. Where has the time passed when she would making dinner and all I had to do was learn about simple subject and get good grades. Or the time when she would read me a story and rub my face til I feel asleep. Being a grown up sucks donkey balls. There are a few perks but I think that having someone else take care of me is better. But when I made that decision to start cooking dinner and cleaning the house and getting a paper route to help pay bills. That is when I grew up. And boy did it suck. Instead of being able to sleep in I was up throwing papers from a bike that I bought with some of the money that I saved from my paper route and odd jobs I did. On top of that having farm animals in the city was not as easy chore too. If anyone want to make up for the lost time I have been working for feel free to come relieve me. When did you grow up?

Abba's making a come back..

Honestly I love ABBA! What gay man doesn't.

Little Boots...Great Beats!

I have just recently discovered a singer called Little Boots.

Formally with a band called Dead Disco, she is now on her own. She's been posting her videos on facebook and youtube.

Little Boots sings and plays the piano, keyboards, synthesizer, Stylophone and a Japanese electronic instrument called Tenori-on

Turning out awesome beats. She sounds a lot like Lilly Allen, Kylie, Lady Gaga, Ladytron, Goldfrapp and La Roux. Her beats are great. Ones I can dance too. I relate to many of her lyrics as well!

Understanding my life

To understand my life is to compare it to music. So that's what I am going to do. Compare my life to music titles.

1. Stuck on Repeat - Little Boots.

I am constantly feeling like I am stuck on repeat. Don't the same chores and work. Like I don't know how to make it stop or where to take it from there. Something is pulling me back to the start. Or that I'm getting distracted

2. The longest road- Morgan Page

It seems at times that I am on the longest road to nowhere. Whether it be with my weight, behavior, or any of my crazy-ness. It seems like I have been getting nowhere...

3. Untrust us- Crystal Castles

I have been withdrawing myself to trust people. Many being family members and a few friends. But I mainly know that I don't trust myself from all my childhood or currently. I don't want to fuck up where I am at. So i hide myself and show nothing but fun.

4.Destroy Everything you Touch-Ladytron

With hiding my true emotions i feel like i need to destroy in my way. Whether it be something, mainly myself. I destroy my self-esteem and get depressed.

5.Being Alive- Raul Esparza-Company

Someone to hold me close, someone to hurt me deep. Too sit in my chair and ruin my sleep. Things that I all want but am afraid to get to close.

Ending of 2011