The times... they are changing!

I'm going to come back to posting more often now. But this will be more about living and being HIV positive and running!


 

I'm back....

My life has changed for the better.  If you don't follow me on facebook then you have been lost in what is new in my life. I'm down weight. I'm 180, running 10+ miles daily. Biking to work and looking all kinds of fly. Single but not alone!

 More to come!

 Princessa!

Happy Mother Fucking Leap Day

Better wear your blue and yellow.... And cry for candy!!! Since this is an extra day. Anything your do today doesn't count!

Leap Day Fucking Rocks!

Emotion....

"Emotion:"

Agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state.

Emotions suck! Enough said!

I'm Back... and badder then ever!

Greetings blog world once again,

It's your gracious Princessa here with an Update of my life. Well after being on medication for my HIV I am now undetectable. Which is great news! I've lost weight. (I can see my ribs again)

I am done with Seattle Washington. Mainly the gay men here.

It sicken me when one person like myself "invest" my time to get to know someone and yet that person doesn't reproduce that same investment into me. To truly get to know someone it takes time, emotional connection, and sacrifice to continue in the onward movement of a relationship. But when one doesn't respond to phone calls, txt or do anything to contact you.

My time has been spent bettering myself now. I no longer want a man or need one. It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new live!

FUCK YEAH!

it's been a while

I'm gonna start blogging again. So much has been going on. I'm dating-ish.... a really nice guy. Smart, sexy, caring...awesome! I'm going start my med's for HIV tomorrow. I'm excited and scared! That's all that's going all for now!

Derek

HIV and YOU!

Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is a lentivirus (a member of the retrovirus family) that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS),^[a condition in humans in which progressive failure of the immune system allows life-threatening opportunistic infections and cancers to thrive. Infection with HIV occurs by the transfer of blood, semen, vaginal fluid, pre-ejaculate, or breast milk. Within these bodily fluids, HIV is present as both free virus particles and virus within infected immune cells. The four major routes of transmission are unsafe sex, contaminated needles, breast milk, and transmission from an infected mother to her baby at birth.

For me...I had unsafe sex. So a partner didn't know about this status. Always protect yourself and know your status!

During when I was having sex I let my partner ejaculate into my well "Rosebud" and i contracted the HIV virus. What this means that I can transfer this virus by "barebacking my partner. HIV is a serious virus that there is no cure. But what can happen is there are pills that help lower t-cell and the viral load.

HIV infects vital cells in the human immune system such as helper T cells (specifically CD4⁺ T cells), macrophages, and dendritic cells. HIV infection leads to low levels of CD4⁺ T cells through three main mechanisms: First, direct viral killing of infected cells; second, increased rates of apoptosis in infected cells; and third, killing of infected CD4⁺ T cells by CD8 cytotoxic lymphocytes that recognize infected cells. When CD4⁺ T cell numbers decline below a critical level, cell-mediated immunity is lost, and the body becomes progressively more susceptible to opportunistic infections.

Life goes on...

I've come along way from my previous life. I have moved on and still am living my life the way I should be. Free and full of life!

Below are of some of the last ballroom comp i did with students! Enjoy!

Living in the Moment..

This picture explains my life right now. It's hectic, full of emotions and change. My life has changed over a day. I got some news about my health. I am now HIV Positive. That's a huge thing for me to say-type out. It's a major... Something that I could pass on to someone and yet it's manageable. The shock of hearing I was positive was upsetting. I broke down and cried. I have felt like I wanted to give up. Feeling like dying was the best solution. I have talked with many friends that are HIV poz and it hasn't stopped them from living a normal life. My life expectancy will go down by a year or two. But i know I am going to live forever. So now I am at the stage of my life where I don't know where to go. I am scared and unsure of what's going to happen next. Please keep me in your thoughts and hearts!

It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Derek

I'm alive

Just so you know. I'm in a rough patch in my life but getting things where they need to be!

I'm

Going camping for the weekend.

Later!

Bar dates...

"
There has been something that has been on my mind...Bar Dates...

"Bar Dates are for ASSHOLES!!" Yes I said it. When people go on a date to a bar they have one of two things.... low-self-esstem or can't find a real restaurant! I find that FUCKING dumb! Who the Fuck really goes on a date to a bar... The first date NO! The third maybe.... But not the first. But to take someone on a date to a bar is tacky! VERY VERY VERY TACKY!

"What are you doing tonight? What go on a date?

Sure. Where?

Let's go to the bar for our date!"

Why would anyone go to a bar on the first date besides that they might be an alcoholic or that their date might get boring so they can pick up another person there. It ridiculous and childish! I don't fucking care what you say.. It is what it is!

Working hard for.....

Nothing.... It seems that way in life for many people. Why do we work so hard for really nothing. The saying goes "Hard work never killed anybody." Well it has me. Why am I working so hard. I can barely keep myself afloat. I put in so much time with work and get paid for very little. My boss pushes me to work harder and yet it seems like my paychecks are the same. I hate not getting more money when I work so fucking hard for it. Why can't some one rich just give me some money for I can be set for a while. I really want to switch jobs. Don't get me wrong, I love my job but it takes so much out of me. Physically and emotionally. Physically I'm on my feet and using my body to teach my students to express themselves. Teaching late night or sometimes early in the mornings.

Emotionally.... It takes so much. Pouring my heart and soul teaching for so much. Teaching the characters of the dance. Being passionate, driving myself to teach more, transferring my emotions and energy to my students. It harder than your think. If some of my students can't feel that it's harder for me. I love dance, I am passionate about it. When I dance I am a different person. I am filled with my emotions but at the end of the dance a part of me is gone... Maybe it's time for a change....

Do you agree?

Sexual Freedom

Since my last relationship... I have taken this time to express myself sexually in ways that I haven't be able to before. I have experienced a new thing that I might become more into.

"****BDSM**** is a continuum of erotic practice and expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym, BDSM, is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D),dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures."

Thank you wikipedia for that.... Well I have started to "see" a gentleman that is into leather. Now never being exposed to leather play before I was very curious, like how curious George is always getting into trouble. It started with this website called daddyhunt. This is a website where younger guys for for older men. I was searching around when i got a message from this gentleman asking me what i was into. I told him I'm 25 latino into safe this but open to trying something new. He than asked if i was into leather... I told him that i have never tried it but was willing to do so. He invited me to his house and off i went. When i arrived there he was... this hot silver-daddy of a Race Bannon/ Anderson Cooper look alike. I was drawn to him instantly. He hugged and he invited me into his house. we had a bit of chit chat and off we went to his play room. In his playroom was leather bonding straps, leather outfits, the works. I was so interested in how out night was going to play out. He told me to strip down and sit outside the door and to wait in my undies. I obeyed as I was told. what seemed to be about 15 minutes, out comes my leather daddy. dressed from head to toe in his leather gear. I have never seen anything like this. I was so turned on by this. "Are you ready boy? You ready to please your sir?" I just shook my head up and down with my eyes opened wide. He took my by the hand and lead me into the playroom. There was a black leather chair... he told me to get on my knee infront of him while he sat in his leather chair. I sat there eagerly awaiting his orders. He reached into a draw and pulled out a cigar. He told me that dad like to enjoy a cigar while his boy worship his dad in leather.

He lit up his cigar and told me to start to worship his leather gear. The smell of his leather combined with the cigar smoke was empowering to me. I felt like a man. I felt that I was safe. Like nothing could do any harm to me. It was a rush. The feel of the smooth leather against my smooth silky skin drove me nuts. I looked up as my sir took a puff from his cigar and blow it into my face. The smoke in my face sent chills all over my body. I knew at that moment there I was free to enjoy new things. I craved for my sir to be please. I begged him in what I could do for him. He stood up and snapped off this leather jock piece exposing himself infront of me. Him in all this glory. He told me "Open your mouth boy." I did so. He placed his cigar in my mouth and told me to hold it there. He undressed down to his boots......

censorship

I have censored myself for too long. My blog is going to be getting real. I'm gonna start to blog bout my sexual adventures, things that are going on in my life and "other" things. If you don't like it.. don't read my blog.... just so you know.. HEADS UP!!

Saying Good-bye for good!

Today I am saying good-bye to my past. I has brought me love, hardship, good times and bad. Vacations filled with love and fights filled with rage and hate. A time where we were in love with each other that turned into pushing each other way from one another. A time where we longed to spend time with each other to where we could barely stand each other's company. Were we wanted our dreams, hopes, love and trust to grow but instead it just ended. I am truly blessed to have gotten to know you and shared my love with you.

It hurts me more and I know you want to be friends...But that is just it.. I can't. I can't be your best friend after all we have been through. You expect me to forget about our past and just be your best mate. I can't do that. I loved you... I loved you so much... you hurt me and I hurt you. We pushed away at the end. Lost interest so to say. I will hold a spot for you in my life but nothing more.

I wish you all the best in the years to come. Being a single father for you is going to be great! I wish that I could join you but I know I need to move on. I will not forget you, but letting you go it going to be hard. I'm ok with being alone for a while. I will get to explore things that I have wanted to do and get to know more of myself as I get to. In the end of it all, I hope one day when I am ready we can be friends again.

All the best to you past life....

Derek Chavez

"Don't cry out"

Over my life time I have had great relationship and horrible ones as well. Many times over the relationships we all change and sacrifices things to make the other one happy. But in turn it makes us bitter or resentful of our partner. Trying to make them desire us more but in turn pulls you away from each other. Soon the flames of passion burn out. But one thing that I have learned from my relationships is that I should always be happy with myself.

As you can see in the picture above by Mary Karaplis. All you "need is a positive attitude...and a knife!" This whole week I have been thinking positive. It has changed my outlook on my life. If I give out positive energy it will be return more and awesome. I've been running, eating well and keeping good energy with friends! I love it! I am making myself happy. I don't need a man but it does help! Plus listening to music by Metric, Little boots, Ladyhawke, Shiny Toy Guns and more. Watch out world... Mama's coming out!

I love Race Bannon..

Since I was a boy, I loved Race! Very handsome "silverdaddy" that was the travel companion of one Dr. Benton Quest. I always wanted to be Johnny and go on adventures with my best friend. Here is a video of where Race tries to get custody of the boys from Dr. Quest. I love it!

The mean reds....

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I am Holly Golightly. In the famous movie Breakfast at Tiffany's Audrey Hepburns character discirbes them as a horrible thing there like the blues only the blues is for when your sad the mean reds are for when you scared and you dont know what your scared of... I am currently feeling like this. It's hard. I feel like this character was written about me even through I wasn't born yet. I relate to her so much. Her real name in the movie not Holly... Like mine is not Derek. She's the life of the party surrounded by friends and acquaintances. She is a hard worker and came from a not so good family. "It's the mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing. You were always lugging home wild things. Once it was a hawk with a broken wing... and another time it was a full-grown wildcat with a broken leg. Remember? You musn't give your heart to a wild thing. The more you do, the stronger they get, until they're strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree. And then to a higher tree and then to the sky. "

*Sigh*.....

Leroy Derek Michael Chavez

Life on hold

I'm going to go on a mini vacation on my life. Things are changing. I'll be back in a week or so. Keep good thoughts and hopes!

Derek