Love is a...

BATTLEFIELD!!

I'm starting..

to get a bit sick. I always hate getting sick, and it's my boyfriend's brother birthday this weekend.. So im downing meds, vits, and a shit load of water. I do not want to miss San Fran. I got a cough and my throat hurts when i cough. I do not need to get sick.

If you have any help on getting me better please let me know!

Derek

I've never been good at

taking death well.

A friend of mine just had a friend pass away a week ago. Now as a child, when my grandfather passed away. I thought for the longest time that he was sleeping and would wake up and tell us that he was playing a trick. It wasn't until my aunt's death. That it really hit me. Her and my grandfather would never come back. When i realized this, my life when to shit. I started to get bad grades in school. Mind you i just started junior high when my g pa passed. I was so scared, hurt, "How could he leave me" why does this have to happen. Can i take this place. Would i ever see him again. When my aunt passed i was freshly out of high school and she had cancer. She was in a hospice being taken care of. All family there. She was sleeping, so sounds, so quiet. Til about Midnight, She shot up like a rocket. Eyes wide, staring above to the heaven as if she has received the calling of her time. I remember my grand ma telling my aunt if she was seeing the light, does she see my grandfather? If god was leading her? I stood behind everyone, tears in my eyes, know that she will never come back. I held my mother tight, know what was going to happen next. My aunt started to convulsion, she was pale, dehydrated, sweaty and yet cold. I watched as she shaked, and finally with the last breath in her body, she laid down in peace. I was in a shock of my own. I watched helplessly as my own family that i have grew up with die in front of my. I start to yell, why did we save her, why did we left her die, our own father just passed away and all you could do is ask her fucking questions!! i Was so mad at the family, but they knew that her time has come. I wanted everything in my power to bring her back. The nurse came in and check on my aunt and told us that she has passed on. My eyes filled with sorrow and hate. I wanted to go with her, i wanted her back. My beloved aunt! I wanted my grandfather back too. When we laid my grandfather to rest, i tried all in my power not to cry, we all went to the Indian res. Where my grandfather was apart of. I met so many family member and cried.

So death and me are no good!

I wanna know....

Have ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day

Travels of a Schnauzer

It's....

Friday, enough said!

When i was young

And no i do not mean that Ceilon Dion song. I have been Reading some David Sedaris books. This one call Me talk pretty one day. So far it's great. Well that brings me to my blog of the day. When i was in second grade, i developed a speech impediment. Mine was called

Speech sound disorders involve difficulty in producing specific speech sounds (most often certain consonant, such as /s/ or /r/), and are subdivided into articulation disorders (also called phonetic disorders) and phonemic disorders. Phonetic disorders are characterized by difficulty learning to physically produce sounds. Phonemic disorders are characterized by difficulty in learning the sound distinctions of a language, so that one sound may be used in place of many. However, it is not uncommon for a single person to have a mixed speech sound disorder with both phonemic and phonetic components.

yep. So every week up til i was in 5Th grade i was taken out for a whole thirty minutes of my day. Usually before lunch. I would be taken with this other girl. I still remember her name, Misty Miller. Now Misty was not born into a rich family. She would always come to school smelling of body odor, urine, and the worst poop. Her hair would be ratty and she would come into class with the same clothes on as of yesterday. she also was born into a huge family.

Each Wednesday we would walk together for our speech class. Both of us having a hard time saying r. We would both be packed in this small room where in the winter's in north bend the heater would be cranked and the smell of my fellow classmate would just reek of her natural odor. I can remember asking my teacher why it always smelt in the room and she would tell me that it was hot and something to do with the heater. Well we both knew it was her. I can still recall when all the partner of children with speech were called in one by on about the progression their child was at. The Miller's were in front of us.

I told my mother before about misty and that she didn't always smell so fresh and to not make a big deal about it. When we enter after the Miller's left, We entered the room to the same smells i endure with my teacher. To my surprise, she pulled out a can of air freshener. I told myself many time,

Why didn't you pull this out in class?

Well she apologize for the smell and told my mother that my speech was coming along fine and after a couple more session my R problems would be over. And as it turned out that Misty was to repeat back the following year.

I also found out that she had a huge crush on me. She wrote me note when we got back to class and say things like how much she likes me and wanted me to come over and meet her family. Now growing up with misty, i never really wanted anything to do with her. In class when we would have to sit in groups, i would always be in the same group with here and have at least one friend and popular person in our Lil groups. One year for Valentine's she got me a candy bar and made me a card. Now being the Lil shit i was, i gave her a care bear or whatever was popular when i was kid that all the class got. Except for my close friends got cookies that i made with my mother that tasted good. That year, i broke Misty's heart. She would follow me on the playground and ask me if i liked her.

When playing wall ball, she would try to beat me and confess her love to me. I got teased in class cause of her. Popular kids and my friends would sing that Derek and Misty sitting in a tree song. I want to die, i hated misty, i wanted to move, disappear, i hated her, i hated her. The Next year in Sixth grade i was relieved to hear that misty and her family moved 15 miles to the next towns over. The teasing stopped, i got no more notes, no more anything from misty. I was happy and yet the same time sad.

I realized that i was the only friend she had, the only thing we shared in common was our lack of speech for R's.