how I met papi.

I met John about 14 month ago, over the Internet on a site called gay.com. He was in the portland chat room and i was looking for someone to date. We talked over about a year before we really met. I had rugby games in Seattle and asked him many times if he wants to come watch me play. He was going to come to one in Bremerton but something came up. So we waited and it was almost the end of summer right before everyone goes back to school, unless you are a college student. John called me and told me he was going to visit his parent, but really want to meet me. We arranged a time and meeting place. So i always met someone i do not know in a public place, that way i don't get hurt or killed. Anyways, we met at Pioneer Courthouse Square in Portland. As soon as i saw him in person i knew that i want to do many things with him. We were both hungry and John loves mexican food, so we went to Mayas Tacqueria for dinner. After dinner and talking with each other, we began to walk around the Pearl District and came to the Jamison Square. There we sat, watchin the children play in the fountain. We sat next to eachother really close. I kept looking into his green eyes, smiling, handsome, sexy. I wanted to do many things to him, but i knew that i had to be good. John turned to me and asked, "Is this the part where i kiss you?" My eyes lit up and i closed my eyes and leaned in. When our lips met, heaven, my body melted, i felt wonderful(i still get that way) There was something about John that i knew was different. As we were kissing, i felt like we were being watched. We pulled away and i turned to see one of my parents from school waving me down yelling, "I thought that was over there!!" i quickly jumped up and told here that this was john and we are on a date. Thank god her son was in the fountain playing. After that john took me home where i made out with him in his car. I asked him what he was doing tomorrow. He was going back to Seattle. "Would you like to get together and do breakfast", is what i asked him. "I'll pick you up" We had breakfast, made out a bit before taking me home, and that is when i know i liked john. But it was about our 5 date in Seattle is when i fell in love with him and wanted to make things work with him.

That is my story of John and I meeting...

One week...

As i sit here with a beer to my side. I wonder why i do not like being alone. John is off on a trip to Atlanta for work, so that lets me and the schnauzer babies in the house. Being alone to me symbolizes that i am Afraid, worrisome, secluded, solitary, lonely, sad, helpless and a bit of depression. I could never be alone when i was younger. I would get scared even at the age of 15. What if someone would to come in the night and kill me. What would happen to the babies, what would john do, how would i react. I guess i need to let go of my childhood fear. I get this from when i was younger. My brother and sister all wanted to play hide n seek one night our parents went of out town. and we just got a new fridge. It was not plugged in, just sitting in the kitchen awaiting for my parents to transfer the food. My oldest brother being 15 at the time was old enough to watch the other four siblings. We all ran off to hide as my older brother was a seeker. I ran into the back room of our house, but i stopped into the kitchen and saw the new fridge in all it's glory and thought that would be a great hiding spot for me. I climbed into it and waited. I waited...and waited... and waited...and waited... about thirty minutes passed. No one came... I was worried.. I tried to push the fridge door open.. The suction to the door. I scream...no one came... I punched the door to make noise... No one hear me. About another thirty minutes pass... and finally my oldest brother, opens the door and see's me crying, hurt, full of sorrow, broken, depressed. He asked me what was wrong. I told him to never leave me alone again...

After that experience, i can never be alone again. I can't live again, I now am in a house that has not even been a week yet. I can not stand it. I need some Human Interaction! I run to i want to go have dinner with someone, laugh with someone, dance, talk...

Is anyone out there?

John Hurry Home.....

When i was young

And no i do not mean that Ceilon Dion song. I have been Reading some David Sedaris books. This one call Me talk pretty one day. So far it's great. Well that brings me to my blog of the day. When i was in second grade, i developed a speech impediment. Mine was called

Speech sound disorders involve difficulty in producing specific speech sounds (most often certain consonant, such as /s/ or /r/), and are subdivided into articulation disorders (also called phonetic disorders) and phonemic disorders. Phonetic disorders are characterized by difficulty learning to physically produce sounds. Phonemic disorders are characterized by difficulty in learning the sound distinctions of a language, so that one sound may be used in place of many. However, it is not uncommon for a single person to have a mixed speech sound disorder with both phonemic and phonetic components.

yep. So every week up til i was in 5Th grade i was taken out for a whole thirty minutes of my day. Usually before lunch. I would be taken with this other girl. I still remember her name, Misty Miller. Now Misty was not born into a rich family. She would always come to school smelling of body odor, urine, and the worst poop. Her hair would be ratty and she would come into class with the same clothes on as of yesterday. she also was born into a huge family.

Each Wednesday we would walk together for our speech class. Both of us having a hard time saying r. We would both be packed in this small room where in the winter's in north bend the heater would be cranked and the smell of my fellow classmate would just reek of her natural odor. I can remember asking my teacher why it always smelt in the room and she would tell me that it was hot and something to do with the heater. Well we both knew it was her. I can still recall when all the partner of children with speech were called in one by on about the progression their child was at. The Miller's were in front of us.

I told my mother before about misty and that she didn't always smell so fresh and to not make a big deal about it. When we enter after the Miller's left, We entered the room to the same smells i endure with my teacher. To my surprise, she pulled out a can of air freshener. I told myself many time,

Why didn't you pull this out in class?

Well she apologize for the smell and told my mother that my speech was coming along fine and after a couple more session my R problems would be over. And as it turned out that Misty was to repeat back the following year.

I also found out that she had a huge crush on me. She wrote me note when we got back to class and say things like how much she likes me and wanted me to come over and meet her family. Now growing up with misty, i never really wanted anything to do with her. In class when we would have to sit in groups, i would always be in the same group with here and have at least one friend and popular person in our Lil groups. One year for Valentine's she got me a candy bar and made me a card. Now being the Lil shit i was, i gave her a care bear or whatever was popular when i was kid that all the class got. Except for my close friends got cookies that i made with my mother that tasted good. That year, i broke Misty's heart. She would follow me on the playground and ask me if i liked her.

When playing wall ball, she would try to beat me and confess her love to me. I got teased in class cause of her. Popular kids and my friends would sing that Derek and Misty sitting in a tree song. I want to die, i hated misty, i wanted to move, disappear, i hated her, i hated her. The Next year in Sixth grade i was relieved to hear that misty and her family moved 15 miles to the next towns over. The teasing stopped, i got no more notes, no more anything from misty. I was happy and yet the same time sad.

I realized that i was the only friend she had, the only thing we shared in common was our lack of speech for R's.