Fighting for it.....

"Is it wrong to want someone to fight for you?"

Let's say that someone that you are currently dating you love and adore them. But what if.... someone from your past decides to enter back into your life and finds out where you live and wants to pick up where you left off. But you're taken. You're in the right place of your life. But what if the past love confronted you in front of your current love? What would you do. What would they do?

I find it utterly romantic to have my currently love and past love fight over me. I know if this happened I would end up with my current love anyways. But tohave someone fight for my love and attention is romantic.

Kind of like the movie Bridget Jones Diary. Where Mark Darcy and Daniel Cleaver fight in a restaurant and into the street over Bridget. Both have been interested in her. One more sexual and the other romantically and invested into her for being herself. I would love for a man like Mark Darcy (which is my current boyfriend) to for me if a past boyfriend came up.

I guess it's all in my head and just a fantasy to have. We all want to be wanted and desire. To have someone fight for us. For our honor, our love, to keep us as their prize, to be treasured for a lifetime. To look back on it and keep playing it over and over in one's head and smiling the whole time. The feeling of being wanted. Does that sound like I'm selfish?

A peek into my mind

When did I grow up?

I think when I was 12. That was the first time I had to make a decision.

Nowdays I am faced with having a job, bills, dog care, drinking, cooking dinner, taking care of myself and making sure I'm well. What happened to the time when I would get sick and be able to stay home with my mother, watch her stories and some cartoons. Where has the time passed when she would making dinner and all I had to do was learn about simple subject and get good grades. Or the time when she would read me a story and rub my face til I feel asleep. Being a grown up sucks donkey balls. There are a few perks but I think that having someone else take care of me is better. But when I made that decision to start cooking dinner and cleaning the house and getting a paper route to help pay bills. That is when I grew up. And boy did it suck. Instead of being able to sleep in I was up throwing papers from a bike that I bought with some of the money that I saved from my paper route and odd jobs I did. On top of that having farm animals in the city was not as easy chore too. If anyone want to make up for the lost time I have been working for feel free to come relieve me. When did you grow up?

Abba's making a come back..

Honestly I love ABBA! What gay man doesn't.

Little Boots...Great Beats!

I have just recently discovered a singer called Little Boots.

Formally with a band called Dead Disco, she is now on her own. She's been posting her videos on facebook and youtube.

Little Boots sings and plays the piano, keyboards, synthesizer, Stylophone and a Japanese electronic instrument called Tenori-on

Turning out awesome beats. She sounds a lot like Lilly Allen, Kylie, Lady Gaga, Ladytron, Goldfrapp and La Roux. Her beats are great. Ones I can dance too. I relate to many of her lyrics as well!

Understanding my life

To understand my life is to compare it to music. So that's what I am going to do. Compare my life to music titles.

1. Stuck on Repeat - Little Boots.

I am constantly feeling like I am stuck on repeat. Don't the same chores and work. Like I don't know how to make it stop or where to take it from there. Something is pulling me back to the start. Or that I'm getting distracted

2. The longest road- Morgan Page

It seems at times that I am on the longest road to nowhere. Whether it be with my weight, behavior, or any of my crazy-ness. It seems like I have been getting nowhere...

3. Untrust us- Crystal Castles

I have been withdrawing myself to trust people. Many being family members and a few friends. But I mainly know that I don't trust myself from all my childhood or currently. I don't want to fuck up where I am at. So i hide myself and show nothing but fun.

4.Destroy Everything you Touch-Ladytron

With hiding my true emotions i feel like i need to destroy in my way. Whether it be something, mainly myself. I destroy my self-esteem and get depressed.

5.Being Alive- Raul Esparza-Company

Someone to hold me close, someone to hurt me deep. Too sit in my chair and ruin my sleep. Things that I all want but am afraid to get to close.

Ending of 2011